We had sensibly assumed the respiratory infection that struck down Christina Aguilera -- forcing her to cancel her Australian concert dates -- came from screeching those high notes prior to a parade of all-night, stress-relieving tour-bus orgies. But apparently we've been short-sighted, forgetting God's distaste for Louboutins, blondes, and wanton displays of sexuality the likes of which would make Satan pump his claws in triumph. Says the Baptists For Brownback blog...Read more>
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[T]hanks to the majesty and power of God, the blaring megaphone of Chrisina [sic] Aguilera's sexual terrorism has been muffled.
Citing the lyrics to Aguilera's song "Naughty, Nasty Boy," which entreat a lusty hunk of sin-meat to "put your icing in [her] cake" and give her a spanking, the blogger -- who runs a Web site in support of a Republican senator from Kansas -- further suggests the virus is revenge for tainting the world with her red-lipped strumpetry:
"Naughty, Nasty Boy"... may as well be the official anthem for harlotry and sodomy. One can only imagine how many unplanned sexual events occurred as a result of impressionable young minds being exposed to such filth.
Whether the blog is real or a parody has been debated, but one thing's for sure: In this person's zeal to praise the Lord for restoring faith in His mysterious ways, the author forgot to check his facts, confusing the current story with an old one from 2000 detailing how Xtina and half her entourage got the same throat infection.
Still, what's a little fact-checking when you are a master of linguistic gymnastics? For the pure joy of its over-the-top-ness, we hope the blog is genuine, and that this person truly thinks God did take time out from His divine work helping sports teams win and fixing the Emmy nominations to cast a pox on one of the few young singers who manages to keep us guessing as to whether she's wearing panties. Because that way, we can await with drooling hunger the inevitable forthcoming treatises on how God shaved Britney's head, tipped off the cops about Paris Hilton's many offenses, and royally coked up Lindsay's pants. Ah, that God. Such a scamp.
Christina Aguilera Finally Tastes Her Just Desserts [Baptists For Brownback]
Baptists4Brownback... Is It A Spoof? [catvincent.livejournal.com]
Aguilera Cancels Two Australian Dates Because of Illness[SFGate.com]
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